Dreams and Ambition

I was emailed a question not too long ago that intrigued me. It was a question about where Brandon's motivation and ambition had originated from. The idea behind the question interested me greatly and it posed some very significant additional questions for me in my research.

We all have ambition, even if your a minimum wage worker...but where does it come from?

Brandon started his life no different than anyone else. He was conceived, and then was born. He had two loving parents who bestowed qualities, values and expectations on him. He grew up in a changing time in the late 60's, 70's and then 80's. He suffered loss, and all those problems that we all have to deal with growing up (who wants to re-live their puberty again? eek). Still, when he emerged as a young adult, he had something that few did have - a very definite ambition for what he wanted to do with the rest of his life - ACTING! He was relentless about this dream and was going to do it at any cost.

Brandon discussed his lifelong ambition quite openly in interviews. He mentioned how he had wanted to be  an actor since he was very small. Perhaps he saw his father use films for his own career goals, or perhaps he might of become one had Bruce not sought a film career. People can guess, but no one can ever say for sure where that idea or dream was spawned.

As a young teenager, Brandon dabbled in high school acting (who didn't?) Note: My experience being cast as telephone operator #2 in my high school's 1992 production of "Sorry Wrong Number" was one performance that clearly should never have taken place AND who knew a telephone prop could fly  that far across the crowded hall? But I'm digressing...Brandon had a talent and wanted to use it as his form of expression. I probably could count on one hand finger all those I can recall who are still in the same profession that they choose in their youth. Yep, it's that rare.

Still, even though Brandon had the passion, he had to learn to have the drive. It takes far more drive to become ANYTHING than just simply wishing it to happen. Sure he had talent but he also wasn't the only one with that talent. Acting aspirations in Los Angeles are as common as bagels are in New York City, so Brandon's journey to becoming the film maker he longed to be, was not going to be an easy one. In fact, many of his early interviews when he first made his paid acting debut always contained quotes where Brandon insisted that he was NOT a "martial artist", and that he just wanted to be a dramatic actor. He felt in those early days the need to play down any kind of physical asset, to make sure that he was given opportunities on his OWN terms.

Brandon of course learnt several hard lessons that in Hollywood any advantages need to be used, that included who his father was. Young Brandon was never comfortable with using his father in order to get ahead. He turned down numerous roles that were pitched towards him just because his father was Bruce Lee. People in those early days may even have labelled him 'stubborn' or 'arrogant', and maybe he was. All people are self righteous and arrogant when you enter your first years of adulthood. Brandon took on many influences during those days, studied hard but also tried any avenue he could. Some were a success, others it appeared to have left him with the feeling that he was never going to be given a fair go. He suffered self doubt like most people do, but held tight the dream he had.

Eventually, he did get those opportunities, but it took time and some real effort, even soul searching on his part. He had to change his own attitude and face his past head on, to really see and go after the future he wanted, and to become the person he always knew he could be. How did he get there? Well, maybe that is a blog for another day.

Brandon Lee - 45th Birthday

Brandon Lee - 45th Birthday

Birthdays for most people are rather mundane little events. When you're young you have countdowns till the event. When you're older you pretty much don't care for them, besides the idea of getting shouted free drinks at the local pub by friends. But when the event is for someone who has passed, birthdays tend to turn into significant days that make people reflect on the time passed, rather than how life was lived. Thankfully, the above video tribute wasn't like that.

Like most whose life has been impact by Brandon, I was eager to see what Brandon's sister, Shannon might do for the celebration of his birthday. One never knows how to feel when family members such as Shannon do open up details of their intimate reflections for the public. There is always the odd feeling that somehow the public (whether they are fans ) may not have a right to intrude on what will always be a great loss for those who actually knew him. However, I was stroke by Shannon's sentiments and I found myself enjoying the tribute when pictures of him drifted in and out of fade out effects, played to the very poignant cover of "Hallelujah", which then made me weep. 

Shannon Lee's perspective was something that I felt in retrospect is much needed, especially online. Days of birthdays and death anniversaries can sometimes bring out the "woah is me" attitude of some fans. It's common enough, where fans can sometimes forget that as much as they may feel love or the feelings of missing Brandon, the reality is that the loss of Brandon for family and friends goes far deeper than fans could possibly ever experience themselves. Strangers while they may feel a connection to the man, it is afterall a created connection based on their own unique experiences ( as either a film goer or a martial artist for the most part). For Brandon's loved ones, the loss of his life and his physical role in it will always be one of mixed emotions. I sat down wondering what I would say about one of my own siblings if I experienced the loss of one of them. Would I be able to relay a similar sentiment about them as Shannon did about Brandon? I guess that is an experience that is yet to come, thankfully. Despite the burden of technologies, Shannon's emotions and her pain at having to live without her brother did become apparent as I was watching the video tribute. His life, as she said, was something that he never wasted and which he was passionate about. Whatever his adventures, interests or passions, he enjoyed life. He did have a unique ambition throughout his life, something few people ever have - the desire and knowledge of what you want to spend your life doing. That is something that has always fascinated me about Brandon, and indeed others who have similar desires from a very young age.

When I lost my own mother 10 years ago, Brandon's own death and the loss that he left towards his father's death really gave me a better sense of perspective, as well as my own set of empathies. Once you experience such a profound loss, your life as you knew it, is gone. It's a very strange place to find yourself in, especially when you are still growing up, like I was. I wasn't a child like Brandon was, but still young enough that every event as an adult since has been coupled with the loss of someone who SHOULD of been there to experience life with me. Without a parent (especially a same sex one), there is no validation for half the decisions you make. In many ways, it can be freeing, you aren't bound by parental expectations, though at the same time you are angry that you have to deal with a void for the rest of your life. In time, you get used to a new way of living - a new normal, BUT you never forget and it doesn't take much to still reduce you to tears and memories of a loss of someone you never can forget or hold again. It's a cycle of being okay, then not - feeling fine, then not. 


A while back a friend of Brandon's conveyed to me the idea of how hard of a loss was to someone like Brandon's fiancee, Eliza. The friend said, "at some point, you have to stop asking them if they are okay. Because in actual fact they never will be". I wish more fans could understand that kind of perspective, maybe then they will feel differently about "loving" Brandon in inappropriate ways, or their over zealous expressions of him being everything from strangers's soul mate, to shadow to love to sweetheart. To Brandon, strangers didn't rate for the most part - that's the reality. People who try and intrude and invade on his own loved ones right to claim the loss of Brandon, is something that has to cut deep within Brandon's family and closed friends own beings. Family don't need to be told by fans that Brandon is "with them", because they no doubt feel the truth of that far more deeply than you and I do. They knew the man and experienced that love and soul for themselves, not the projected one on screen that we all saw. Brandon was sacred to those people, and while he may be loved, admired and respected by fans, it doesn't hurt to remember who we are, and who they are too in the proper context.

Fans will always have a role in Brandon's legacy. It's the simple act of remembering someone that keep their spirit and make their life have some real purpose. It's the sentiment that all life has to be preserved and acknowledged that made me want to research, become an historian and eventually a journalist. It is not just about seeking facts to uncover the truth, but remembering and honoring those who came before who should be remembered, just like all humans should be in their lifetime. Just because someone is dead, doesn't make their life, their story or their own perspective and experience irrelevant. Brandon's life mattered, it mattered to me as someone who never knew him. And through research, strangely I feel like I do in some abstract way. It's bizarre, but I never can understand fully an experience I never lived, it's all about perspective.

Shannon's own perspective today has helped me with mine right now.

Happy Birthday Brandon!