I have been reading a lot of messages regarding Brandon’s passing and one of the most common phrases seems to be, ‘I CAN’T BELIEVE IT HAS BEEN 16 YEARS’. Yes, it has been 16 years and while time does have a way of creeping up on you, it is important to remember that Remembering Brandon is the most important aspect of his life, not his death or how long it has been. This time of year I always try and reflect and just celebrate his life, as I always do. Death anniversaries are not about being depressed. When I am pressed to discuss such matters with my readers, I try to put things in perspective. Brandon’s most precious loved ones like Eliza, Linda and Shannon can get through this and have been able to move on and find a way to deal with such days, then the endless array of woeful mourners (who never knew him) can also. Death is just but another journey on the walkway of life. It is not how many miles we walk, only that we had the courage to walk it.
So, what should fans feel about March 31? My answer to that is to just have a great day. Now considering what happened to Brandon back in 1993 on that day that may seem a bit harsh. However, if you think about what Brandon’s own philosophy towards life was about, it isn’t so strange. Here was a man who each day tried to be a good human being, have fun and hardly ever used to let things get him down. He wasn’t without his failures, or faults (gee, what a surprise that Brandon like all of us was slightly imperfect), but he lived his life honestly and didn’t pass judgment and expectations on himself for perusing his own dreams. He had difficult periods in his life, times when he was unsure of his own path, or what life was about, and what if he would not find his own purpose. He was a seeker who tried many things (some a little wild in the beginning), but he eventually the right path and attracted the right people in his life to walk down that path. We all go through those times in our youth and in our 20’s, when we want to understand what this life is all about. But slowly and surely he did recognize his dreams, the limitations he had previously placed on his life, and how fear at times did dictate his future. He changed as he grew, with great strength, soul and drive.
Recently, I was recalling a conversation The Crow creator a few years ago mentioned in an article. In the article, (the name of it currently escape me) he retold this particular poignant memory he had of Brandon, with the two of them sitting down talking about the factors that change your life. For most people it usually surrounds one of two things: career and love. For Brandon, his career he always was sure about, but it was only until he was able to find a true form of love in his life, that he felt his acting and the emotions he needed to explore certain aspects of it, came together for his life to work effectively for him. He told James very intimately that finding love with Eliza changed his whole life, and his whole perspective on what his life purpose was about. In his last few years, he dreamt like he never had dreamt before. His life was given a new lift – personally and professionally and especially in the last year, he had come to a new place to be, where life was boundless and filled with endless dreams and hopes for the future. The knowledge that his big break was just a film away, the satisfaction at feeling complete in his relationship with Eliza, helped bring Brandon a new sense of inner peace. Perhaps Brandon was so in love with life that he never saw the cause and effect of others that was steering towards him in glorious and neglectful speed. Unfortunately, that is one of the unspoken truths of life – you can live and love because of destiny and fate, but even that can’t stop the chain of cause and effect from human actions. It is one of the cruel ironies of life, that a man so connected to his humanity would die from others who were neglectful of it.
But this is not a time to get angry or mad, because honestly if you start with those emotions, you may never stop. Brandon deserves more than a display of angry emotions. His body has long been buried, his family and friends have long had to deal with his passing and have all moved on as best they could with love, yet his spirit and soulful inspiration will always be around the universe.
Whether to not Brandon realized just how important the sentiments in The Crow were still remains to be seen. But when others recall the questions and indeed the answers that he asked himself in the weeks before his death, I am always amazed at how connected he was to the very real notion about the fragility of life. There seems to be little doubt that he was aware of the preciousness of life, and how important love and connections were to the human spirit. He asked people, even strangers the question that he had posed himself many times while preparing for the role, ‘What if you died, and had the chance to come back. Who would you want to be with and see? And would you feel any guilt at tampering on those loved ones grief? ’. For Brandon, his answer (others recall) was always one word: Eliza…said with a smile. He was a man filled with love, and love was the purpose that Brandon had found and wanted to celebrate. I am sure his spirit is with many in his life, but given his sentiments there was only one person who truly ever will have know the lengths of his soul, because it was shared with her own…Eliza. For her, fans are always sorry, but also many are glad that she existed to give Brandon the growth and love he needed to reach his full potential, to give us performances like in The Crow. For what she went through and still does, one can only imagine how much courage and substance her own spirit does have. But Brandon will always be with her, a part of her, and at the end of a life, isn’t that what our legacy is truly about? Living on through others?
Words also don’t come close to what his intimates always will feel on this day; his mother, Linda who never thought she would have die before her own son, his sister, Shannon who had to go through her young adult life without her protector and her guide, and Brandon’s young niece Wren, who never will know her uncle or get to feel one of his bear hugs, many in his life recall him giving to them. It seems so cruel that all of those who Brandon loved, and who were in his life and loved him have had to live parts of their lives unfilled because of Brandon’s death. I also recall Linda’s own words (published many times since then) at Brandon’s memorial service (a day after his funeral) where she asked for the mourners to “celebrate his life and not to be sad”. Even though I am sure that was hard, even for the most positive person among them, I like and admire those sentiments. There is always a time to cry, but always a time to remember. You don’t need a day to celebrate a life, I certainly don’t. Linda, Shannon and Eliza all have been made better individuals from knowing Brandon, as many from just knowing him through sites like ours have also. It doesn’t matter how someone impacts you, only that you use that influence to better your own purpose and then pass that knowledge on.
I also think days like this are ones of non-verbal reflection, where no words are needed or even warranted. In your heart of hearts, you know Brandon loved life. No matter what your beliefs, life never truly ends. In the next one, he will get to do it all again, maybe easier (maybe not), and get to love and be with the same souls as he knew in his own life. And for us, well – I think he would be touched and appreciative of all the love people still provide him. In a sense, it feeds the energy he left the world with and makes sure it will continue.
I want to leave you with some very true and philosophical words Brandon said days before he died, in an article where he spoke about why moving on after grief is important to realize your own dreams and purpose:
"Sometimes a personal tragedy provides the impetus we need to move on in life. It's easy to become stuck. We get lazy and we don't want to change. Change can be such a hassle. That's not to say that everyone requires a tragedy in their lives in order to get their ass moving, to take some kind of action or make some kind of decision: but if it happens, it can be definitely open your eyes. It can make you look at life differently, it can change your whole world, 'Why did this have to happen? What have I done? Why couldn't it have been somebody else?' Sometimes it can make you a better person, Or a different person."
The sentiments Brandon was trying to make are clear – DON’T LET FEAR AND GRIEF DESTOY YOU…use it, deal with it, move on and make sure it makes you a better individual. It is very powerful, because of how his loved ones have all seem to follow that message, through their own process and transitions.
His impact will always be felt in my life, he changed it in a way that possibility only someone like Brandon could have – with heart and purpose. Others have similar ways they use his own philosophical message, and how Brandon had impacted their own life. It doesn’t matter how or why, only that he did and by now it is almost universal in some people. So in reflecting today, take his words into your soul, like water into your body and remember that you need to be able to realize your own possibilities and not to be afraid, angry or depressed with the circumstances of that life. Life is for living…so in the very Brandon-ism sentiment of this blog, go forward and make your mark. Don’t waste the opportunity and possibility of your life. 28 years certainly isn’t a long time, but it was long enough for Brandon to have made his mark. If you died today what would your legacy be?
Dream and be true…
‘Keep the faith’
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